The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen


Erotic Asphyxiation AKA ‘breath control play’ is the intentional restriction of oxygen to the brain for the purposes of sexual arousal. People who engage in the activity are called ‘gaspers’. The practice originated in observations of public hangings in Europe where erections and ejaculations were frequently observed. In England, brothel owners experimented with the act of hanging as treatment for impotence in the 1600s – early Viagra! In the late 1700s Kotzwarra requested prostitutes to hang him, sometimes for up to 5 minutes. This eventually led to his death. In the current era, 1,000 Americans die each year from this disturbing act of masturbation.

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The pleasure in this act comes from depriving your brain of oxygen, which is known in medical circles as ‘asphyxia’. By doing this, you experience a euphoria before you lose consciousness. To maximize pleasure derived from the situation, the victim actively masturbates while strangling themselves with cords or suffocating themselves with a plastic bag.

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Cleveland Kidnapper Ariel Castro Succumbed to Autoerotic Asphyxiation

The following are the top three most famous autoerotic asphyxiators, who I am personally dubbing the ‘League of Extraordinary Gentlemen’ for their contributions to humanity:

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An Exclusive Club

3). Our second runner-up in the race for king of the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, we have Albert Dekker!

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Oh Hai Mark

Albert Dekker was an American actor and Democratic politician. He was born December 20th, 1905 in Brooklyn, New York. He went to Richmond Hill High School in Queens. Ironically, Rodney Dangerfield and Cyndi Lauper both are also alumni of Dekker’s alma mater.

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Hey Kids Smoking is Cool

Albert married fellow actress Esther Guerini in 1929. He later won a seat in the California State Assembly in 1944 as a Democrat. Rumor has it, a young Bill Clinton idolized Dekker.

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Bill Clinton’s Idol

Tragedy struck in 1957 when Dekker’s 16 year old son John shot himself in the face and died.

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Young Dekker

Tragedy struck again on May 5th, 1968 when Dekker, at the ripe old age of 62, was found by his fiancé Jeraldine Saunders naked, kneeling in his bathtub with a noose, connected to the shower curtain rod, tied tight around his neck .

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Preposterous

Someone wrote “Slave” and “cocksucker” and also drew a vagina on his stomach with lipstick. There were two IV needles sticking out of one of his arms. He was handcuffed, blindfolded, and gagged with a rubber ball and metal wire. Sounds like a slightly disturbing scene, this is a 62 year old man, a grandpa, we’re talking about.

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The Infamy!

Dekker has a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame located at the address 6640 Hollywood Blvd.

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Best Alt-Rocker of the 2000’s

2). Our runner-up in the contest to see which Gentleman is most Extraordinary is Michael Hutchence!

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Michael Hutchence Sex God

Michael Hutchence was an Australian musician famous for being the lead singer/songwriter of INXS. He was born January 22nd, 1960 in Sydney, Australia.

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Bitch Don’t Kill My Vibe

As a kid, Hutchence spent a few years in Hong Kong. He returned to Australia when he was 12. INXS was officially started in 1977, originally named “The Farris Brothers”.

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Sometime I Just Like to Think

Hutchence had much fame in the 80s as a sex god. INXS has sold over 50 million records. Their best songs are ‘New Sensation’, ‘Suicide Blonde’, ‘Need You Tonight’, ‘What You Need’, and ‘Original Sin’. He also dated Australian musician Kylie Minogue for a stretch.

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Not Sure How He Had His Particular Problem

Five years before he died, Hutchence was assaulted by a cab driver in Denmark. According to his friends, he was never the same again. He also lost his sense of taste and smell from the attack, heightening his other senses.

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For Those About To Rock

He had a daughter, named Tiger Lilly, in 1996 with his long time girlfriend Paula Yates.

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I Feel Like Leather Today

Tragedy struck on November 22nd, 1997  when Hutchence was found dead in room 524 at the Ritz Carlton Hotel in Double Bay, Sydney. He was only 37.

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I’d Smash

The scene of Hutchence’s death was quite desperate to say the least. He was found by hotel housekeeping kneeling facing the door. His belt was wrapped around his neck, hanging from the door. There were cigarette burns so deep on his hands that bone was exposed. There was also evidence he was frantically searching for cocaine.

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Deep

The official ruling on the cause of death from the New South Wales State Coroner was suicide. But his long time lady Paula Yates disputes this claim. She says he was not suicidal, a devoted father, and left no suicide note. It was simply a sex act gone awry.

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Happy Family

1). Ladies and Gents, I am pleased to announce the King of the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, David Carradine!

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Cali Kickin’ It

David Carradine (birth name John Arthur Carradine) was a famous American Actor and Martial Artist. He was born in Hollywood on December 8th, 1936. I’m assuming he was conceived on New Years Eve. His father, John Carradine, was also an actor.

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Young Grasshopper

David made his TV debut in 1963 on an episode of ‘Armstrong Circle Theater’. In 1972 he became famous for his portrayal of mixed race White and Chinese Shaolin monk Kwai Chang Caine on the show ‘Kung Fu’ .

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Caine

Caine’s nickname on ‘Kung Fu’ was ‘Grasshopper’. This nickname eventually reached legendary status. He was nominated for a Golden Globe and an Emmy for his role as Grasshopper.

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Meditate

He began to take movie roles more seriously starting in 1975 with Roger Corman’s cult classic ‘Death Race 2000’. He also played the four roles originally intended for Bruce Lee in the film ‘Circle of Iron’ (1978). He played many more roles throughout the rest of the 80s and 90s, resulting in him being awarded a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame in 1997.

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Death Race 2000

Over the years, David seemed to accumulate arrests just as easily as film roles. Specifically twice for Marijuana (1967 and 1980) and twice for Driving Under the Influence (1984 and 1989). David’s most fascinating arrest occurred in 1974.

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I’m a Good Boy

While in a Peyote fueled McConaughey/Downey Jr. style romp, he got naked and began wandering around Laurel Canyon, Los Angeles.  He eventually busted out a neighbor’s window and began bleeding profusely all over the house. Later he assaulted a woman. Police followed the perp’s (David) trail of blood back to his house and busted him. He pled no contest to the charge of malicious mischief and was sued for $1.1 million by the woman he assaulted, and settled for $20,000.

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Old School

Tragedy struck when David was 72 on June 3rd, 2009 at the Swissotel Nai Lert Park Hotel in Bangkok, Thailand. He was found in his hotel room closet naked, hanging by a rope.

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Deep Thinking

Due to the way he was found, the earliest speculations were that Carradine committed suicide. Eventually evidence was released that pointed to the death as an accident. Two of his ex-wives stated publicly he was into self bondage. One of his ex wives even specifically mentioned his ‘deviant sexual behavior’ in their divorce filing.

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Forever Young

No “League of Extraordinary Gentlemen” rankings can be complete without an honorable mentions section!

A). Our first (of two) honorable mention is Stephen Milligan.

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Caught with His Pants Down

Stephen was a British journalist and Member of Parliament. His corpse was found by his secretary on February 7th, 1994.

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Busted

He was naked except for socks and suspenders. He had an electrical cord tied around his neck and a garbage bag over his head. There was a piece of an orange hanging out of his mouth.

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Sharp Dressed Man

B). Our second honorable mention is Kevin Gilbert. 

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The Gilb

Kevin Gilbert was an American musician of minor fame. I wonder if he was related to Dan Gilbert? His main contribution to society was his musical credit on Sheryl Crow’s album ‘Tuesday Night Music Club’.

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“I know Sheryl Crow”

He was found dead in his house in Los Angeles in a black skirt with a black hood covering his head.

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Females Be Trippin’

Thanks for reading. Leave your thoughts in the comments. Check out my other site, ‘MemeGrator’, the Official Meme Aggregator on the Internet.

-Jules Didlio

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