Vehicular Manslaughter


Anyone who claims to be a Tim and Eric fan should know and love the Adult Swim show that started it all, “Tom Goes to the Mayor” (TGTTM). It premiered on Adult Swim in November 2004. TGTTM is mostly animated, however, the people in the show are actually photos of the cast making strange facial expressions, and the photos are then filtered in Photoshop using the photocopy filter.

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TGTTM Open Scene

Similar to Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job, pretty much every show featured a famous cameo such as Jeff Goldblum, John C. Reilly, and Paul Reubens to name a few. There were many hilarious moments in the series, like Tom going undercover at the high school, “chronic nocturnal emissions”, and becoming the vice mayor of hobotown.

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John C. Reilly Cameo

In this post, I’m going to give a rundown of my favorite episode of TGTTM, “Vehicular Manslaughter”, which was the seventh episode of season one, originally airing on April 24th 2005. This episode features cameos from Michael Ian Black and Bob Odenkirk. In my opinion, this episode is the most absurd of the series, which is why its my favorite.

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Dr. Michael Ian Black in the Mayor’s Office

The episode opens with Tom giving the eulogy at Dr. Michael Ian Black’s funeral. Ridiculous pictures of Dr. Black making bizarre faces are displayed, and his family is devastated. Tom then asks himself “How could this have happened to me?” And the episode flashes back three days prior to the events that led up to this point.

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Dr. Ian Black is a Tough Crowd to Impress

Cut scene to Tom’s idea pitch to city council at Gulliver’s Buffet (two of the three city council members are played by Craig Anton and Rob Lynch, I’m unsure of the third). Tom opens with “Hi, I’m Tom Peters, but you can call me ‘poop'”.

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Jefferton City Council AKA Jefferton Shark Tank

He’s going through his presentation on using human poop to power the city, and suddenly his “funputer” (the device he’s doing the presentation with) shuts down.

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Funputer

He says his wife needed to use his laptop to work on her business. The scene cuts to show Tom’s wife, Joy, (Michael Q Schmidt) in the middle of cyber sexing with some strange man.

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Business is Booming

The mayor then interrupts, saying “not to be a sticky Tuesday about this, but don’t you think we’ll need some independent third-party verification”. This, for the most, part kills Tom’s energy plan for the time being. Next, we see Tom in the Mayor’s office wearing a Brainstorming Cap to help him think. The mayor tells Tom “gimme a B-Storm!”. The Mayor puts on the cap and comes up with the idea that they should go on the show “That’s Amazing!” to help with Tom’s energy plan. Then, Michael Ian Black, who’s a 3rd party verification expert, and a newly promoted ‘doctor of energy’, enters the office.

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Ric a Dic a Tic Toc

Here’s a video of the interesting dance they do (one of two reasons why this is my favorite episode), notice Tom looking disgusted by their dance:

Dr. Michael Ian Black notes that Tom “looks like a Steven to me”, which apparently is the ultimate insult. The Mayor then explains that Dr. Black is a doctor of energy and a third-party verification expert who can help with the energy plan. Dr. Black says, “you are not gonna believe the company car they just gave me…a Lebaron!” Tom then says he’ll drive them around town to show them where he wants to lay the pipe. For some odd reason, Dr. Black and the Mayor drive separately in the Lebaron and Tom follows. Then we see Dr. Black and the Mayor doing an odd dance and singing a seemingly sexual song in the Lebaron to a similar tempo of Smash Mouth’s “All Star”. “Hey pal, I’m a rim ram, get your rage on, get laid…”

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To the Lebaron!

The Mayor and Dr. Black turn up the music so they can’t hear Tom’s instructions on where to turn. Tom looks down at his map, and when he looks up he sees the Lebaron has stopped and he rear ends the Mayor and Dr. Black. We see Tom has been thrown from his car, is very hurt, and his car has been completely obliterated; but the Mayor and Dr. Black are completely fine and the Lebaron has no damage.

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Lebaron!

The Mayor and Dr. Black go off in an ambulance (laughing) to the hospital to take care of Dr. Black. The Mayor tells Tom he’s “on his own”. We then see a commercial for “That’s Amazing” which is hosted by a goofy man named Bradley (Bob Odenkirk). We also get a cameo from the great DJ Douggpound as a “man in a tuba suit”.

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A Very Stressed Tompy Tears

In the hospital, the Mayor notifies Tom that Dr. Black has died and his family wants to press charges, unless Tom gives the eulogy at the funeral. So, Tom accepts, since he does not want to go to jail. While writing Dr. Black’s eulogy on his Funputer, it runs out of space, and he must choose to either delete the energy plan or the eulogy. He has no choice but to delete the energy plan, throwing away all his hard work, rather than the eulogy, in order to save his butt from jail.

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Perform the Eulogy!

Then we circle back to the scene from the beginning of the episode, with Tom giving the eulogy at Dr. Black’s funeral. Tom is clearly upset and crying. All of a sudden, Dr. Black awakes from his casket and exclaims, “Hello Steven!” Tom is traumatized, thinking its a ghost, and the Mayor and Dr. Black do the sexual dance again. Dr. Black tells the Mayor, “we sure pulled a Steven on that guy!” And it’s revealed that Tom was unknowingly on “That’s Amazing” the whole entire time! People are cruel!

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Dr. Black’s Head Shot

The episode ends with the Mayor and Dr. Black teasing each other, saying “Shut up you little stinker!”, “You old bag of kale corn!”, and “You minivan!”.

Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed my opinion on this matter.

Please check out my website, the memegrator, the official meme aggregator on the internet.

Richard Simmons The Enigma


When I was a young 7-year-old child (I’m now 27 born in 1989) in early 1997, I caught my first glimpse of sweat guru Richard Simmons. I don’t remember what exactly he was doing when I first saw him, but it was probably something like this. This was an eye-opening experience for such a young boy growing up sheltered in the midwest. I simply didn’t get it.

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Hi Guys

None of the men I knew at that point in my life talked or acted like that. He was a grown man, with curly hair, who talked like a girl, skipped around in short shorts, and was leading a group of women in a cardio workout. He has quite the personality, to say the least. This was a bunch of paradoxes I couldn’t reconcile. Hell didn’t even know what “paradox” meant at age 7.

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Old Richard

Between that first “run-in” with Richard and today, August 8, 2016, I’ve seen the man on TV only a handful of times. All in all there’s definitely been less than 20 instances of me hearing about the guy in the past 20 years. At least 3 of these times have been on the Howard Stern Show, where he is a popular punchline.

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Real Men Cry

Well, randomly today, I started thinking about him. There must have been a disturbing, repressed, memory lodged deep somewhere in my brain that got triggered by something insidious in my environment today. I don’t know what it was, nor do I even have a hunch, but I bet it would give even the late Sigmund Freud the heebie jeebies. Anyways, it’s a good question, what is Richard up to? I honestly haven’t heard anything about him in well over a year.

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Come on Everybody Get Down – Eminem

So, here’s some background on Richard Simmons. He was born July 12, 1948 – making him 68 years old. Almost exactly 4o years older than me! Too bad I couldn’t have published this post on his birthday. Oh well, maybe next time. He grew up in Louisiana as a Catholic (even though his momma was Jewish). By the time he graduated high school, he was 5’7″ 268 lbs. That’s really big for someone who’s 5 foot 7 inches. I’m 5’10” 225 lbs. with a layer of muscle and I feel fat and look fat. No wonder he took the career path he did.

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Happy Halloween!

Around the time of his high school graduation, Simmons flirted with the possibility of becoming a Catholic priest. Is it just me or does that joke almost write itself? I’m not taking that bait. After college, he moved to New York, then Los Angeles. In LA he opened “Asylum”, now called “Simmons” and still in operation at 9306 Civic Center Drive, Beverly Hills, CA 90210. It was in LA that dropped 123 lbs, down from a high of 268 lbs. For all you math majors, he was down to 145 lbs. There’s no argument about it, definitely a great achievement and inspirational.

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When in Scotland

Here’s an hour-long Simmons led workout. Definitely geared more towards women, but I can see how it took off in popularity. It was something different. It was someone different. Not a big manly beefcake of a man who was going to try to bang you. Not a woman who was bitchy and had an attitude. But a feminine man who was not threatening and also dropped over a hundred pounds, so he was credible. He was also entertaining, and I’m sure the people exercising with him were having fun. At the very least, it was clear he was having fun. And at the end of the day, that’s all that counts.

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Now You See Me Now You Don’t

Not that it matters, but Richard Simmons has never publicly confirmed his sexual orientation. Who really cares what he does in his private life? I for one think he’s straight. Flamboyant yes, but maybe it was all an act, or a ruse. He was around women constantly, his workout videos are marketed to women. For the most part, all the participants in his videos are women. I think he’s not only straight but a big time pimp. It’s a free country and we’re all allowed to have our own opinions.

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When You Want To Smile But Don’t Like The Person Taking Your Picture

Over the course of his career, Simmons estimated he’s been the inspiration behind the loss of 12 million pounds. That’s a pretty impressive claim. Its believable too, considering he’s released so many workout tapes and started his own fitness studio.

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Sweatin’ To The Oldies

Unfortunately, in the past 2 years, we haven’t heard much from the man. Other than he was in the hospital in early 2016. I’m very happy he’s out and home safe. And also in early 2015, the LAPD made a welfare check on him and confirmed he, not the housekeeper, was in control of his life. Keep the man in your prayers and respect all he’s accomplished.

Thanks for reading and please check out my Go Fund Me page and consider contributing/sharing if you like what you see!

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Stop It You’re Too Cute

A Theory on the Origin of the Shake Weight


The Shake Weight has been one of the top cultural enigmas of the 21st century. Clearly from advertisements such as this the Shake Weight was created by some epic troll. Possibly the premier trolling event in the history of mankind. I believe this troll was Larry David, or more specifically his alter-ego, George Costanza. What is my proof for this accusation? Absolutely nothing my friend, just the fact that I’ve spent thousands of hours watching Larry David’s work and I know that this is in his style.

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Shake Weight Action gif

What an amazing gif. As one can see in the gif above the “Shake Weight” is a phallic-like piece of exercise equipment. A good description of it is the bastard cousin of the dumbbell. That’s directly helping create more bastard children in the real world. Here’s another great video of some real life people using the monstrosity. How perfect is Taylor Swift’s “Shake it Off” as theme music for Shake Weight workouts. I love the look on the faces of these real life women who are trying the exercise. My favorite is the business woman at 1:14.

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Shake Weight is a Whole Body Exercise

One reason that I think this was the work of Larry David is because of the Seinfeld Episode, “The Contest”. Where the crew tries to see who can go the longest without masturbating. It aired on November 18, 1992, and was written by our friend Larry. Here’s a clip from this beautiful episode. And here’s another gif:

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Straight up Nice Rack

As a matter of fact, he won the Prime Time Emmy Award for Outstanding Individual Achievement in Writing in a Comedy Series. Clearly the public already thought this was a funny premise. Furthermore, on June 15, 2009, TV Guide ranked “The Contest” #1 on its list of 100 greatest episodes of all time.

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Gotta Respect Someone Who Works So Hard

Another famous Seinfeld episode written by Larry David was “The Deal”. This is the episode, first airing on May 2, 1991, where Jerry and Elaine decide to start having sex again. So you know for sure that Larry David thought Elaine was making the Shake Weight motion on Jerry. Larry was nominated for a Primetime Emmy Award for Outstanding Writing in a Comedy Series.

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The Perfect Opportunity for Meditation

I know it might sound like a stretch but when you have a hunch you have a hunch.

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It Would Have Been Sexist to Only Use Woman Models

My final reason for thinking Larry David created the Shake Weight and is just trolling us, is this video. This reason is more intangible, but over the course of this 12:41 minute video, you realize the George Costanza created the Shake Weight.

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She’s Got a Nice Rack

As all us Seinfeld die-hards know, George is Larry. Here is a link to the Seinfeld wiki, where they say, “The character of George is based partly on the alter ego of the show’s co-creator, Larry David (the alter ego developed later on as the protagonist of Curb Your Enthusiasm).“, as proof.

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The Shake Weight Family

Overall, it’s just a hunch and speculation….but please consider my theory on Larry David as the creator of the Shake Weight and thus the biggest troll of all history.

Please also check out my Go Fund Me page and consider donating.

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He Invented It

Did George also create the flesh light?……