The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen


Erotic Asphyxiation AKA ‘breath control play’ is the intentional restriction of oxygen to the brain for the purposes of sexual arousal. People who engage in the activity are called ‘gaspers’. The practice originated in observations of public hangings in Europe where erections and ejaculations were frequently observed. In England, brothel owners experimented with the act of hanging as treatment for impotence in the 1600s – early Viagra! In the late 1700s Kotzwarra requested prostitutes to hang him, sometimes for up to 5 minutes. This eventually led to his death. In the current era, 1,000 Americans die each year from this disturbing act of masturbation.

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The pleasure in this act comes from depriving your brain of oxygen, which is known in medical circles as ‘asphyxia’. By doing this, you experience a euphoria before you lose consciousness. To maximize pleasure derived from the situation, the victim actively masturbates while strangling themselves with cords or suffocating themselves with a plastic bag.

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Cleveland Kidnapper Ariel Castro Succumbed to Autoerotic Asphyxiation

The following are the top three most famous autoerotic asphyxiators, who I am personally dubbing the ‘League of Extraordinary Gentlemen’ for their contributions to humanity:

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An Exclusive Club

3). Our second runner-up in the race for king of the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, we have Albert Dekker!

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Oh Hai Mark

Albert Dekker was an American actor and Democratic politician. He was born December 20th, 1905 in Brooklyn, New York. He went to Richmond Hill High School in Queens. Ironically, Rodney Dangerfield and Cyndi Lauper both are also alumni of Dekker’s alma mater.

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Hey Kids Smoking is Cool

Albert married fellow actress Esther Guerini in 1929. He later won a seat in the California State Assembly in 1944 as a Democrat. Rumor has it, a young Bill Clinton idolized Dekker.

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Bill Clinton’s Idol

Tragedy struck in 1957 when Dekker’s 16 year old son John shot himself in the face and died.

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Young Dekker

Tragedy struck again on May 5th, 1968 when Dekker, at the ripe old age of 62, was found by his fiancé Jeraldine Saunders naked, kneeling in his bathtub with a noose, connected to the shower curtain rod, tied tight around his neck .

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Preposterous

Someone wrote “Slave” and “cocksucker” and also drew a vagina on his stomach with lipstick. There were two IV needles sticking out of one of his arms. He was handcuffed, blindfolded, and gagged with a rubber ball and metal wire. Sounds like a slightly disturbing scene, this is a 62 year old man, a grandpa, we’re talking about.

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The Infamy!

Dekker has a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame located at the address 6640 Hollywood Blvd.

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Best Alt-Rocker of the 2000’s

2). Our runner-up in the contest to see which Gentleman is most Extraordinary is Michael Hutchence!

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Michael Hutchence Sex God

Michael Hutchence was an Australian musician famous for being the lead singer/songwriter of INXS. He was born January 22nd, 1960 in Sydney, Australia.

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Bitch Don’t Kill My Vibe

As a kid, Hutchence spent a few years in Hong Kong. He returned to Australia when he was 12. INXS was officially started in 1977, originally named “The Farris Brothers”.

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Sometime I Just Like to Think

Hutchence had much fame in the 80s as a sex god. INXS has sold over 50 million records. Their best songs are ‘New Sensation’, ‘Suicide Blonde’, ‘Need You Tonight’, ‘What You Need’, and ‘Original Sin’. He also dated Australian musician Kylie Minogue for a stretch.

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Not Sure How He Had His Particular Problem

Five years before he died, Hutchence was assaulted by a cab driver in Denmark. According to his friends, he was never the same again. He also lost his sense of taste and smell from the attack, heightening his other senses.

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For Those About To Rock

He had a daughter, named Tiger Lilly, in 1996 with his long time girlfriend Paula Yates.

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I Feel Like Leather Today

Tragedy struck on November 22nd, 1997  when Hutchence was found dead in room 524 at the Ritz Carlton Hotel in Double Bay, Sydney. He was only 37.

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I’d Smash

The scene of Hutchence’s death was quite desperate to say the least. He was found by hotel housekeeping kneeling facing the door. His belt was wrapped around his neck, hanging from the door. There were cigarette burns so deep on his hands that bone was exposed. There was also evidence he was frantically searching for cocaine.

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Deep

The official ruling on the cause of death from the New South Wales State Coroner was suicide. But his long time lady Paula Yates disputes this claim. She says he was not suicidal, a devoted father, and left no suicide note. It was simply a sex act gone awry.

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Happy Family

1). Ladies and Gents, I am pleased to announce the King of the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, David Carradine!

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Cali Kickin’ It

David Carradine (birth name John Arthur Carradine) was a famous American Actor and Martial Artist. He was born in Hollywood on December 8th, 1936. I’m assuming he was conceived on New Years Eve. His father, John Carradine, was also an actor.

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Young Grasshopper

David made his TV debut in 1963 on an episode of ‘Armstrong Circle Theater’. In 1972 he became famous for his portrayal of mixed race White and Chinese Shaolin monk Kwai Chang Caine on the show ‘Kung Fu’ .

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Caine

Caine’s nickname on ‘Kung Fu’ was ‘Grasshopper’. This nickname eventually reached legendary status. He was nominated for a Golden Globe and an Emmy for his role as Grasshopper.

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Meditate

He began to take movie roles more seriously starting in 1975 with Roger Corman’s cult classic ‘Death Race 2000’. He also played the four roles originally intended for Bruce Lee in the film ‘Circle of Iron’ (1978). He played many more roles throughout the rest of the 80s and 90s, resulting in him being awarded a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame in 1997.

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Death Race 2000

Over the years, David seemed to accumulate arrests just as easily as film roles. Specifically twice for Marijuana (1967 and 1980) and twice for Driving Under the Influence (1984 and 1989). David’s most fascinating arrest occurred in 1974.

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I’m a Good Boy

While in a Peyote fueled McConaughey/Downey Jr. style romp, he got naked and began wandering around Laurel Canyon, Los Angeles.  He eventually busted out a neighbor’s window and began bleeding profusely all over the house. Later he assaulted a woman. Police followed the perp’s (David) trail of blood back to his house and busted him. He pled no contest to the charge of malicious mischief and was sued for $1.1 million by the woman he assaulted, and settled for $20,000.

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Old School

Tragedy struck when David was 72 on June 3rd, 2009 at the Swissotel Nai Lert Park Hotel in Bangkok, Thailand. He was found in his hotel room closet naked, hanging by a rope.

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Deep Thinking

Due to the way he was found, the earliest speculations were that Carradine committed suicide. Eventually evidence was released that pointed to the death as an accident. Two of his ex-wives stated publicly he was into self bondage. One of his ex wives even specifically mentioned his ‘deviant sexual behavior’ in their divorce filing.

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Forever Young

No “League of Extraordinary Gentlemen” rankings can be complete without an honorable mentions section!

A). Our first (of two) honorable mention is Stephen Milligan.

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Caught with His Pants Down

Stephen was a British journalist and Member of Parliament. His corpse was found by his secretary on February 7th, 1994.

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Busted

He was naked except for socks and suspenders. He had an electrical cord tied around his neck and a garbage bag over his head. There was a piece of an orange hanging out of his mouth.

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Sharp Dressed Man

B). Our second honorable mention is Kevin Gilbert. 

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The Gilb

Kevin Gilbert was an American musician of minor fame. I wonder if he was related to Dan Gilbert? His main contribution to society was his musical credit on Sheryl Crow’s album ‘Tuesday Night Music Club’.

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“I know Sheryl Crow”

He was found dead in his house in Los Angeles in a black skirt with a black hood covering his head.

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Females Be Trippin’

Thanks for reading. Leave your thoughts in the comments. Check out my other site, ‘MemeGrator’, the Official Meme Aggregator on the Internet.

-Jules Didlio

All That Is Wrong With Lena Dunham


There is a plague like scourge that America is currently dealing with, and her name is Lena Dunham. One of the physical embodiments of the “regressive left” that exists in our once great (and will be great again after November when Lena Dunham moves to Canada) country. I’m not a sexist, or a bigot, or a racist but this post is going to definitely make me sound like one. If you’re good at what you do, I like and respect you. That counts for everyone; women, men, children, Arabs, Africans, Gays, etc. I’m blind to labels, I only see talent. For example, I believe Tina Fey and Amy Poehler are very funny comedians – in the top 10 of my list of current comics.

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Sorry if you were planning on eating in the next month

I discovered this wench over 4 years ago in 2012 when I saw the show “Girls” on HBO on demand. I watched an episode, I cannot remember which episode, lets just say it was the pilot, and was utterly disgusted. Disgusted mostly with myself that I wasted over 50 minutes of my precious life absorbing this nonsense. But also disgusted with television and HBO to allow such fuckery to air. That day I made a promise to myself that I would never put myself through that, or anything like it ever again.

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Lena after dropping a dirty turd. Stinks in there.

However, this accidental viewing of “Girls” wasn’t the last time I would be tortured by this mental midget. Since “Girls” started in 2012 she has seemed to hit the news a couple of times a year for various dumb reasons.

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I’m seriously sorry if you were planning on eating

First, she received a $3.7 million dollar advance for a book shortly after the first season of her show ended – and good for her, I’m happy for her. But I’m also happy that, as of January 16th 2016, her books only sold 271,931 copies. Which is a little more than half way to the publishers break even point of 500,000 copies sold – serves them right. That’s karma. With any luck, the PC lib asshat who approved that deal got canned.

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Again

By the way, the only non-whites in the pilot of Girls were a black taxi driver, a black homeless guy, and an Asian. They then hired Donald Glover AKA Childish Gambino to star in a couple of episodes in season 2 to end the claims of racism. Pretty strange for a show created by such a PC, liberal, gay rights, and other minorities activist.

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The belly button is deep

Fast forward to 2014. Lena’s book “Not That Kind of Girl: A Young Woman Tells You What She’s ‘Learned'” is finally released. In it she reveals her sexual assault of her sister and also makes the PROVEN false claim that she was sexually assaulted while she was a student at Oberlin College. By the way, Lena’s sister is now a lesbian. Conventional wisdom says that sexuality is genetic, but this is an interesting coincidence, the younger sister being sexually assaulted as a child by the older sister and becomes a lesbian. This book is a true window into the ugliness that resides inside Lena Dunham’s body.

In the book Lena says she was high on coke and xanax and she was alone when she was raped. This random CONSERVATIVE man from her college took advantage of the situation and sexually assaulted her. I’m sorry but how is the man’s politics relevant to the false rape. Why is that detail added to the narrative? Also, if you’re high on coke and xanax, it’s probably not that easy to communicate whether or not you want sex – I recommend to only mix these substances around friends. All in all, rape is a very serious accusation and even if the man is found innocent, many times the damage to his reputation is already done. I personally know a man who was falsely accused of rape and he the situation made him suicidal, he hasn’t been the same since. For this reason alone, Lena should be ostracized from mainstream pop culture.

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Be careful or I’ll accuse you of rape

Another interesting tidbit on Lena is how she claimed she was waiting to get married until gay marriage is legal in all 50 states. So then, in 2015 when gay marriage becomes legal on the federal level, she says she’s not ready to get married yet. So, the question becomes, why even make that statement in the first place? Lena clearly isn’t the new generations premier logician, that’s for certain.

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Hope you weren’t planning on eating this month

So now we’re in 2016 and the stupid Lena Dunham stories are only accelerating. First we have her coming to the defense of fellow false rape accuser Ke$ha. Definitely makes sense – “it’s a false rape accuser thing”. If a woman accuses a man of rape and then it’s proven to be a lie, that woman should get as many years, if not more, in prison than the man would have gotten.

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“Theres no toilet paper left to wipe my butt with”

Then we have her dumb comment about Kanye’s video for his song “Famous”. She says the video is one of the most “disturbing ‘artistic’ efforts in her recent memory”.This is the video with the naked wax versions of various celebrities. Of note is that Lena Dunham was not one of those naked wax celebrities. It’s not good to make assumptions, but I have a feeling she wouldn’t have made that criticism if she was one of those naked celebs. When asked about Lena’s criticism, Kanye responded, “who?”.

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That’s a dumb tattoo

Now, most recently, Lena gave a speech at the Democratic National Convention. I don’t know what segment of the Democratic electorate she represents. And it’s also pretty ironic that the Black Lives Matter party would have someone who is the definition of white privilege speak, but that’s beyond my scope here. Straight up, what she said was just really stupid.

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All in all, please don’t pay this idiot any further attention. She’s not interesting, she’s unfunny, and a no talent. She doesn’t stand for anything, and isn’t intelligent. The least you can do, is next time you’re in Barnes & Noble, find Lena’s book, pick your nose or your ass, and wipe your dirty finger on a page.

The Office Episodes Different Writing Styles


“The Office” is the famous sitcom/mockumentary featuring Steve Carell as the offensive, ineffective, pointless boss for which he’s so famous. “The Office” is also famous for its ensemble cast and extensive use of different writers/directors/producers for individual episodes. In this post, I’m going to look at, summarize, and rank four episodes written and directed by four different individuals.

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The cast

I’m going to summarize these episodes in the order of quality, with what I thought was the best episode first, and the worst episode last.

1) Episode 67; S04E14 (accounting for 2 part episodes);Episode Title: ‘Chair Model’; Air Date: 4/17/2008; Written by: BJ Novak; Directed by: Jeffrey Blitz.

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Mourning the death of the chair model

This episode begins with a Kevin and Andy complaining about how there is no more parking spaces for them because of construction workers doing work on the building, causing them to have to park in the satellite lot and walk a considerable distance to the office.

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Phyllis

Next, Michael Scott wants to be set up on a date since he just broke up with Jan. He’s ready to get back on the market after his breakup. In the process of soliciting his subordinates for dates, he asks Oscar for help and he calls being gay a “condition” which is incredibly offensive to Oscar. Phyllis then asks Michael if he’d be interested in her friend that is a pro softball player. Among a few different offensive questions Michael asks about Phyllis’ friend, he asks if she’d be able to fit in a rowboat, trying to find out if she’s fat without asking it directly. Michael then makes a formal request to his workers to submit him a name and number of someone he could go on a date with. My favorite line from Michael in this part is how he says he’s a catch and doesn’t want to be the one that got away.

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Page 85

I thought it was interesting how Jim jokes with Pam and says he is putting her mom’s name and number down for Michael to call. Just 40 episodes later in the series (“The Lover”) in season 6 episode 7 it is revealed that Michael has been dating Pam’s mom since Jim and Pam’s wedding.

Michael calls up “Wendy” who was Kevin’s submission, and it happens to be “Wendy’s” fast food restaurant, and not a woman named “Wendy”. This seemed to really upset Michael.

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I want her number

The title of the episode comes from the model Michael finds in the chair magazine while looking for a new chair to order, and not a literal “model” of a chair. Dwight has the idea of tracking down this model for Michael because he thought she was so very attractive. Dwight does some digging and finds out this woman is dead. Michael takes the news of her death very seriously, even though he has never met this woman.

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The chair model

Pam then sets Michael up with her landlady (Margaret), which turns into a real disaster. When she first approaches Michael in the coffee shop, he denies his name is Michael. This backfires when the barista calls out his name “Michael” and hands him the drink he ordered, hot chocolate. I like how in this scene, Michael breaks the third wall and looks into the camera hopelessly. Michael then starts asking her really stupid questions, like what she does with the rent checks she gets from tenants. He then shows her a pic of Jan on his phone and tells her about Jan’s boob job and accidentally calls Jan. He then says he “felt like he was talking to the sweet old lady on the bus” which the landlady says is incredibly rude.

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Margaret the land lady

Meanwhile, Andy and Kevin arranged a meeting of the “5 families” which are the four other businesses that work in Scranton business park + Dunder Mifflin. I enjoyed this scene because it is a truly incredible waste of time, which could have been completely done through email or phone calls, which one of the attendees points out.

Then, Michael yells at Pam about hooking him up with Margaret, and how he’s a man of “cool, youth, and ‘passionately'”.

At the end of the episode, Andy is talking about how proud he is of getting their parking spaces back. He says some bizarre things in this scene like he did it for the guy who “wakes up everyday in his $400 apartment and wonders how he’s going to pay his mortgage every month”.

2). Episode 64; S04E11 (again, accounting for the 2 part episodes); Episode Title: ‘Survivor Man’; Air Date: 11/8/2007; Written by: Steve Carell; Directed by: Paul Feig.

This episode was definitely a close second to “The Chair Model”. Season 4 had some of the best episodes of the show, without a doubt. The episode opens with Toby telling a group of workers about the retreat in the woods he went on with Ryan, who recently became an executive with Dunder Mifflin. Ryan took all the branch managers and HR people, except Michael Scott because everyone already knew enough about him. This is pretty upsetting to Michael, who feels very left out and excluded and appalled that Toby was invited and he was not.

Because of this feeling of exclusion Michael is experiencing, he decides to go out into the woods himself and will try to survive on his own. Dwight rides out to the woods with him to make sure he gets set up properly. On the way there, Dwight digresses and says if he were a serial killer he would cut off people’s fingertips and remove their teeth, and he’d be known as the ‘overkill killer’. Michael, disturbed, yells at Dwight and says to let him have his one cathartic experience in his life — I also notice this word ‘cathartic’ was used in the next episode on my list, ‘Frame Toby’.

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The Survivorman

Back in the office, while Michael is gone in the woods, Jim is in charge. He seems to be having major issues with the changes he made to birthday parties in the office. His new ideas aren’t very popular. Birthday parties happen to be one of the areas that Michael was very good in, even tho he sometimes went overboard with the singing, surprises, and jokes.

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Happy bday

Back in the woods, Dwight is shown spying on Michael. Dwight didn’t want to leave him alone in the wilderness to fend for himself, what a pal! While being watched by Dwight, Michael records himself yelling out some bizarre things that he apparently needed to let loose. He bellows, “I wish I could have gone with Ryan on that cool retreat!”, “Jan has plastic boobs!”, and “I have hemorrhoids!“.

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Dwight watching Michael

In an interesting scene in the office, Phyllis calls Jim “Michael” by accident. This disturbs Jim and he mentions it to the camera people.

Michael then randomly shows up for the birthday parties and sings. He then says he doesn’t need wide open spaces, because he has a pic of the grand canyon and the sky on his desk top. And he also doesn’t need fresh air from outside, because he has the freshest air, which is air conditioning.

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What a view

At the end of the episode, Jim tells Michael about how unpopular his idea for the birthday party was. Michael tells him he made the same rookie mistake and in 10 years, Jim will learn. Jim says he won’t be there in 10 years, and Michael said that’s what he also said 10 years ago. This scares Jim.

3). Episode 81; SS05E09; Episode Title: ‘Frame Toby’; Air Date: 11/20/2008; Written by: Mindy Kaling; Directed by: Jason Reitman.

Toby starts off the episode by saying his time in Costa Rica was “cathartic” — see paragraph 2 of the ‘Survivor Man’ section. I think cathartic (vocally expressing ones feelings to relieve strong emotions) experiences are important to office workers such as these, and “cathartic” is the perfect word for them to be using. I am going to be paying extra attention for other uses of that word throughout the series (I’m a nerd).

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He is back

A funny Michael Scott-ism from this episode, in the beginning, someone brought in brownies and Michael says he’s going to take two and parcel them out and eat them slowly throughout the day because it’s healthier that way. While getting brownies, Michael finds out Toby works there again, since he just got back from a couple of months in Costa Rica.

In the next scene, Jim talks with his coworkers about how he just bought his parents house, and not to tell Pam because it’s a surprise. He tells the people where his house is, “near the quarry”, and Creed says he lives right there too, and they should hang out and throw stuff down into the quarry (bizarre) and Jim says sure he would be up for that, sarcastically.

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After Michael comes to grips with Toby being back, he begins plotting a plan to get Toby fired. His first plan is to give Pam a note to give to Toby that says to kiss her, so he would assault Pam and that would be cause to fire him.

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Just cause

In a very weird scene that I didn’t understand completely, Ryan and Kelly are shown making out and Toby tells them that its inappropriate, then asks them if they want to see his pics from Costa Rica. Why would he interrupt their make out session, then ask them to look at his personal pictures? But then Michael walks up and bats the pics out of Toby’s hand and tells Toby to punch him for it, so Toby will assault him and then can be fired. Toby doesn’t take the bait.

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Pam reading Michael’s note to Toby from her

Michael starts to get stressed and starts pounding the brownies he said he was going to parcel out and eat throughout the day. While pounding brownies, Dwight and Michael decide the best way to get Toby fired, after their other 2 plans failed, is to plant drugs in Toby’s desk and call the police and get him arrested. Michael goes and talks to the 2 Vance Refrigeration employees asking if they can sell him some weed. So, they sell him Caprese salad and tell him its 2 pounds of weed, and charge him $500. Dwight and Michael then put the salad in Toby’s desk and Dwight calls the cops (saying his name is Andy Bernard). So, the cops come and immediately notice that the bag contains Caprese salad and leave. Then Toby asks Michael if he put it there, to which Michael asks “since when is it illegal to put Caprese salad anywhere?”

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This shit right here

Ryan and Kelly are then shown again making out (too much irrelevant making out between them in this episode) and then he breaks up with her. He says he needs to go to Thailand with some friends.

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It’s over girl

The episode ends with Jim bringing Pam to the house he bought from his parents. She loves it! Happy ending.

4). Episode 180; S09E04; Episode Title: ‘Work Bus’; Air Date: 10/18/2012; Written by: Brent Forrester; Directed by: Bryan Cranston.

Overall season 9 was terrible, so naturally this was going to be the worst episode on this short list. After Steve Carell left, I think it could be argued that it wasn’t even the same show anymore. I picked this episode because it was directed by Bryan Cranston, and that intrigued me because I never knew he had any involvement in the series. He still couldn’t save it, however.

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Season 9 = fail

At this point in the series, Andy is the manager and Dwight owns the building the office is in. Toby is measuring the electromagnetic field in the office and marking where it’s detected. To mess with Dwight, Jim pops his popcorn so only one or two kernels pop. He then hides the popcorn under Dwight’s desk and asks Dwight to hand it to him. Of course, Dwight notices that only a couple of kernels have popped, and thinks its due to the electromagnetic field. Dwight tells Andy, who gives everyone the week off because of it. Not to lose out, Dwight arranges for a work bus for all the workers to work in so they can’t get the week off.

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The crew

Jim then convinces everyone to pressure Andy to take the bus to get pies. On this ride, Dwight gets madder and madder at Jim for his prank and messing with him all the time. Jim confronts Dwight about his attitude, and Dwight asks him what position him and Pam conceived their child. The two positions he asks Jim are “regular” and “lady on her back”. What could “regular” mean? Doggystyle? This was one of only two laughs for me in this episode. The other was when Dwight stops to pick up a hitch hiker, who says he ditched work today, and it turns out to be Creed, who was suspiciously absent until that point in the episode.

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American pie

That is all for today, folks! Leave me some comments and give me your thoughts.