The Greatest Rap Freestyle Ever


Slob On My Knob“, what I consider to be the greatest rap freestyle of all time, was a track on the 1999 album “CrazyNDaLazDayz” by the Tear Da Club Up Thugs (TDCUT). TDCUT was a group on Hypnotize Minds Records that consisted of Three Six Mafia and most other rappers on the record label. TDCUT is considered to be the violent, primal side of the Hypnotize Minds label. I believe, without a doubt, that Slob on My Knob is the greatest rap freestyle of all time. A statement of the most primal of male urges. Here’s another Tear Da Club Up Thugs joint feat. the Hot Boys!

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Three 6 Mafia in the 90s

Three 6 Mafia of the 90s was one of the forefathers of hardcore rap. The group consists of DJ Paul, Juicy J, and Crunchy Black. Their most famous songs include “Sippin’ on Some Syrup”, “Poppin’ My Collar”, and “Doe Boy Fresh”. Furthermore, they won the Academy Award in 2006 for Best Original Song for “It’s Hard Out Here For A Pimp” from the film “Hustle and Flow”.

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Band-Aid On Da Chin

It’s clear that the Three 6 Mafia have been very successful, but I consider their greatest achievement to be the greatest freestyle of all time “Slob on My Knob”. It’s a fast tempo, 2:00 long song. It contains many “genius” one liners. Let’s look at a few of them.

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Another Epic Three 6 Mafia Joint

Immediately, we are hit with the iconic voice of Juicy J saying “Slob on My Knob/Like Corn On the Cob.” It’s pretty clear here, the man wants a BJ, in a manner similar to a girl eating corn on the cob. Puts a pretty clear picture in your mind. A woman chomping on a bloody wiener.

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Corn Fed Midwestern Girls

Another outstanding lyric is “Third Find a Bag/To Hide the Ho Face”. What this means is that, if you’re an uggo you can still hook up with him, you just have to hide your face in a bag. I couldn’t imagine me telling a hunny to put a bag over her head, and her not leaving. Takes a true pimp to pull this one off.

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The Royal Penis Is Clean Your Highness

Moving on to verse two, almost immediately we’re hit with “I Said Just Forget It It’s too Crabby”. Apparently he’s not happy with the lady his boy hooked him up, because she has crabs. This is the definition of Too Much Information, but entertaining nonetheless.

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TDCUT

Last but not least, we have the line “Till I Got Caught, Fuckin With Her Mother”. Always with the drama. Our boy Juicy must have been screwing his girls mom. I can’t imagine the scene this caused. To any Three 6 Mafia fan, you can see the foreshadowing this line had on Juicy’s future songs, which frequently reference MILFs.

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Only 90s Kids Will Get This

Here’s a link to the Crazyndalazdayz full mixtape.

Here’s Smoked Out.

And here is the Classic Slob on My Knob.

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Please leave comments and thoughts!

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Don’t Fucks Wit Us!

The Office Episodes Different Writing Styles


“The Office” is the famous sitcom/mockumentary featuring Steve Carell as the offensive, ineffective, pointless boss for which he’s so famous. “The Office” is also famous for its ensemble cast and extensive use of different writers/directors/producers for individual episodes. In this post, I’m going to look at, summarize, and rank four episodes written and directed by four different individuals.

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The cast

I’m going to summarize these episodes in the order of quality, with what I thought was the best episode first, and the worst episode last.

1) Episode 67; S04E14 (accounting for 2 part episodes);Episode Title: ‘Chair Model’; Air Date: 4/17/2008; Written by: BJ Novak; Directed by: Jeffrey Blitz.

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Mourning the death of the chair model

This episode begins with a Kevin and Andy complaining about how there is no more parking spaces for them because of construction workers doing work on the building, causing them to have to park in the satellite lot and walk a considerable distance to the office.

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Phyllis

Next, Michael Scott wants to be set up on a date since he just broke up with Jan. He’s ready to get back on the market after his breakup. In the process of soliciting his subordinates for dates, he asks Oscar for help and he calls being gay a “condition” which is incredibly offensive to Oscar. Phyllis then asks Michael if he’d be interested in her friend that is a pro softball player. Among a few different offensive questions Michael asks about Phyllis’ friend, he asks if she’d be able to fit in a rowboat, trying to find out if she’s fat without asking it directly. Michael then makes a formal request to his workers to submit him a name and number of someone he could go on a date with. My favorite line from Michael in this part is how he says he’s a catch and doesn’t want to be the one that got away.

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Page 85

I thought it was interesting how Jim jokes with Pam and says he is putting her mom’s name and number down for Michael to call. Just 40 episodes later in the series (“The Lover”) in season 6 episode 7 it is revealed that Michael has been dating Pam’s mom since Jim and Pam’s wedding.

Michael calls up “Wendy” who was Kevin’s submission, and it happens to be “Wendy’s” fast food restaurant, and not a woman named “Wendy”. This seemed to really upset Michael.

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I want her number

The title of the episode comes from the model Michael finds in the chair magazine while looking for a new chair to order, and not a literal “model” of a chair. Dwight has the idea of tracking down this model for Michael because he thought she was so very attractive. Dwight does some digging and finds out this woman is dead. Michael takes the news of her death very seriously, even though he has never met this woman.

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The chair model

Pam then sets Michael up with her landlady (Margaret), which turns into a real disaster. When she first approaches Michael in the coffee shop, he denies his name is Michael. This backfires when the barista calls out his name “Michael” and hands him the drink he ordered, hot chocolate. I like how in this scene, Michael breaks the third wall and looks into the camera hopelessly. Michael then starts asking her really stupid questions, like what she does with the rent checks she gets from tenants. He then shows her a pic of Jan on his phone and tells her about Jan’s boob job and accidentally calls Jan. He then says he “felt like he was talking to the sweet old lady on the bus” which the landlady says is incredibly rude.

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Margaret the land lady

Meanwhile, Andy and Kevin arranged a meeting of the “5 families” which are the four other businesses that work in Scranton business park + Dunder Mifflin. I enjoyed this scene because it is a truly incredible waste of time, which could have been completely done through email or phone calls, which one of the attendees points out.

Then, Michael yells at Pam about hooking him up with Margaret, and how he’s a man of “cool, youth, and ‘passionately'”.

At the end of the episode, Andy is talking about how proud he is of getting their parking spaces back. He says some bizarre things in this scene like he did it for the guy who “wakes up everyday in his $400 apartment and wonders how he’s going to pay his mortgage every month”.

2). Episode 64; S04E11 (again, accounting for the 2 part episodes); Episode Title: ‘Survivor Man’; Air Date: 11/8/2007; Written by: Steve Carell; Directed by: Paul Feig.

This episode was definitely a close second to “The Chair Model”. Season 4 had some of the best episodes of the show, without a doubt. The episode opens with Toby telling a group of workers about the retreat in the woods he went on with Ryan, who recently became an executive with Dunder Mifflin. Ryan took all the branch managers and HR people, except Michael Scott because everyone already knew enough about him. This is pretty upsetting to Michael, who feels very left out and excluded and appalled that Toby was invited and he was not.

Because of this feeling of exclusion Michael is experiencing, he decides to go out into the woods himself and will try to survive on his own. Dwight rides out to the woods with him to make sure he gets set up properly. On the way there, Dwight digresses and says if he were a serial killer he would cut off people’s fingertips and remove their teeth, and he’d be known as the ‘overkill killer’. Michael, disturbed, yells at Dwight and says to let him have his one cathartic experience in his life — I also notice this word ‘cathartic’ was used in the next episode on my list, ‘Frame Toby’.

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The Survivorman

Back in the office, while Michael is gone in the woods, Jim is in charge. He seems to be having major issues with the changes he made to birthday parties in the office. His new ideas aren’t very popular. Birthday parties happen to be one of the areas that Michael was very good in, even tho he sometimes went overboard with the singing, surprises, and jokes.

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Happy bday

Back in the woods, Dwight is shown spying on Michael. Dwight didn’t want to leave him alone in the wilderness to fend for himself, what a pal! While being watched by Dwight, Michael records himself yelling out some bizarre things that he apparently needed to let loose. He bellows, “I wish I could have gone with Ryan on that cool retreat!”, “Jan has plastic boobs!”, and “I have hemorrhoids!“.

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Dwight watching Michael

In an interesting scene in the office, Phyllis calls Jim “Michael” by accident. This disturbs Jim and he mentions it to the camera people.

Michael then randomly shows up for the birthday parties and sings. He then says he doesn’t need wide open spaces, because he has a pic of the grand canyon and the sky on his desk top. And he also doesn’t need fresh air from outside, because he has the freshest air, which is air conditioning.

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What a view

At the end of the episode, Jim tells Michael about how unpopular his idea for the birthday party was. Michael tells him he made the same rookie mistake and in 10 years, Jim will learn. Jim says he won’t be there in 10 years, and Michael said that’s what he also said 10 years ago. This scares Jim.

3). Episode 81; SS05E09; Episode Title: ‘Frame Toby’; Air Date: 11/20/2008; Written by: Mindy Kaling; Directed by: Jason Reitman.

Toby starts off the episode by saying his time in Costa Rica was “cathartic” — see paragraph 2 of the ‘Survivor Man’ section. I think cathartic (vocally expressing ones feelings to relieve strong emotions) experiences are important to office workers such as these, and “cathartic” is the perfect word for them to be using. I am going to be paying extra attention for other uses of that word throughout the series (I’m a nerd).

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He is back

A funny Michael Scott-ism from this episode, in the beginning, someone brought in brownies and Michael says he’s going to take two and parcel them out and eat them slowly throughout the day because it’s healthier that way. While getting brownies, Michael finds out Toby works there again, since he just got back from a couple of months in Costa Rica.

In the next scene, Jim talks with his coworkers about how he just bought his parents house, and not to tell Pam because it’s a surprise. He tells the people where his house is, “near the quarry”, and Creed says he lives right there too, and they should hang out and throw stuff down into the quarry (bizarre) and Jim says sure he would be up for that, sarcastically.

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After Michael comes to grips with Toby being back, he begins plotting a plan to get Toby fired. His first plan is to give Pam a note to give to Toby that says to kiss her, so he would assault Pam and that would be cause to fire him.

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Just cause

In a very weird scene that I didn’t understand completely, Ryan and Kelly are shown making out and Toby tells them that its inappropriate, then asks them if they want to see his pics from Costa Rica. Why would he interrupt their make out session, then ask them to look at his personal pictures? But then Michael walks up and bats the pics out of Toby’s hand and tells Toby to punch him for it, so Toby will assault him and then can be fired. Toby doesn’t take the bait.

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Pam reading Michael’s note to Toby from her

Michael starts to get stressed and starts pounding the brownies he said he was going to parcel out and eat throughout the day. While pounding brownies, Dwight and Michael decide the best way to get Toby fired, after their other 2 plans failed, is to plant drugs in Toby’s desk and call the police and get him arrested. Michael goes and talks to the 2 Vance Refrigeration employees asking if they can sell him some weed. So, they sell him Caprese salad and tell him its 2 pounds of weed, and charge him $500. Dwight and Michael then put the salad in Toby’s desk and Dwight calls the cops (saying his name is Andy Bernard). So, the cops come and immediately notice that the bag contains Caprese salad and leave. Then Toby asks Michael if he put it there, to which Michael asks “since when is it illegal to put Caprese salad anywhere?”

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This shit right here

Ryan and Kelly are then shown again making out (too much irrelevant making out between them in this episode) and then he breaks up with her. He says he needs to go to Thailand with some friends.

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It’s over girl

The episode ends with Jim bringing Pam to the house he bought from his parents. She loves it! Happy ending.

4). Episode 180; S09E04; Episode Title: ‘Work Bus’; Air Date: 10/18/2012; Written by: Brent Forrester; Directed by: Bryan Cranston.

Overall season 9 was terrible, so naturally this was going to be the worst episode on this short list. After Steve Carell left, I think it could be argued that it wasn’t even the same show anymore. I picked this episode because it was directed by Bryan Cranston, and that intrigued me because I never knew he had any involvement in the series. He still couldn’t save it, however.

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Season 9 = fail

At this point in the series, Andy is the manager and Dwight owns the building the office is in. Toby is measuring the electromagnetic field in the office and marking where it’s detected. To mess with Dwight, Jim pops his popcorn so only one or two kernels pop. He then hides the popcorn under Dwight’s desk and asks Dwight to hand it to him. Of course, Dwight notices that only a couple of kernels have popped, and thinks its due to the electromagnetic field. Dwight tells Andy, who gives everyone the week off because of it. Not to lose out, Dwight arranges for a work bus for all the workers to work in so they can’t get the week off.

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The crew

Jim then convinces everyone to pressure Andy to take the bus to get pies. On this ride, Dwight gets madder and madder at Jim for his prank and messing with him all the time. Jim confronts Dwight about his attitude, and Dwight asks him what position him and Pam conceived their child. The two positions he asks Jim are “regular” and “lady on her back”. What could “regular” mean? Doggystyle? This was one of only two laughs for me in this episode. The other was when Dwight stops to pick up a hitch hiker, who says he ditched work today, and it turns out to be Creed, who was suspiciously absent until that point in the episode.

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American pie

That is all for today, folks! Leave me some comments and give me your thoughts.

The Final Solution to the IRS


The Internal Revenue Service (IRS) is an evil that must be stopped. Politics aside, its clear to see that the current tax system in America is crippling the middle class, especially small business owners.

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It is for this reason the middle class hates the IRS. As a child, I clearly remember my dad (who was a small business owner himself) cursing the IRS and talking about them as if they were trying to find him, tie him down, and give him a lifetime supply of anal probes.

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It was around this time I made up my mind that I did not want to work for any type of organization that my dad would talk like this about. Many other kids and friends of mine in my blue-collar, middle class neighborhood had fathers who ran their own business just like my dad. I really don’t see too many kids dreaming on becoming IRS auditors when they grow up (although, current IRS worker’s children may be susceptible to this).

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And I can’t imagine too many of the wealthy leading their children to become IRS agents, either. So, where is the IRS finding new recruits? My solution to bring down the IRS is for this generation of millennials to refuse any job offer proposed by the IRS. Also, this generation’s kid’s must be advised to NOT take a job with the IRS. We would provide incentives for current IRS employees to not allow their children to join the Service either.

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The more workers the IRS employs, the easier it is for them to audit your return. This is because, the absolute return in dollars they receive on penalties and interest collected per employee increases. These workers are also American citizens. What we have here is middle class workers at the IRS preying on the rest of America’s middle class for their living. People, just like you and me, making a living collecting money from people just like them (how’s that for an infinite loop).

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They’re just following orders you say? So were many of the mid and low-level Nazi Germany workers and collaborators. The Nazis for the most part, were just middle class German citizens making a living preying upon other middle class Germans. This may be a little extreme a comparison, but the underlying idea is identical.

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There are many more equitable taxation scheme ideas than the current one in place, for example the Fair Tax system. But, these details are outside the scope of my opinion here.

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Take a moment to look at the situation here, and try to understand how effective a solution this is. We need to instill this idea in our children, that the IRS is evil and never work for them.

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My point is, that we all as American citizens must decline any job offer from the IRS and teach or children to do the same. This needs to be a grassroots, demographical and sociological attack on the IRS. A new world version of the “passive resistance” of Ghandi.

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Our current generation appears to be screwed with the current system, but this idea could save our grandchildren from the same oppression we have faced.

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