Richard Simmons The Enigma


When I was a young 7-year-old child (I’m now 27 born in 1989) in early 1997, I caught my first glimpse of sweat guru Richard Simmons. I don’t remember what exactly he was doing when I first saw him, but it was probably something like this. This was an eye-opening experience for such a young boy growing up sheltered in the midwest. I simply didn’t get it.

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Hi Guys

None of the men I knew at that point in my life talked or acted like that. He was a grown man, with curly hair, who talked like a girl, skipped around in short shorts, and was leading a group of women in a cardio workout. He has quite the personality, to say the least. This was a bunch of paradoxes I couldn’t reconcile. Hell didn’t even know what “paradox” meant at age 7.

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Old Richard

Between that first “run-in” with Richard and today, August 8, 2016, I’ve seen the man on TV only a handful of times. All in all there’s definitely been less than 20 instances of me hearing about the guy in the past 20 years. At least 3 of these times have been on the Howard Stern Show, where he is a popular punchline.

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Real Men Cry

Well, randomly today, I started thinking about him. There must have been a disturbing, repressed, memory lodged deep somewhere in my brain that got triggered by something insidious in my environment today. I don’t know what it was, nor do I even have a hunch, but I bet it would give even the late Sigmund Freud the heebie jeebies. Anyways, it’s a good question, what is Richard up to? I honestly haven’t heard anything about him in well over a year.

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Come on Everybody Get Down – Eminem

So, here’s some background on Richard Simmons. He was born July 12, 1948 – making him 68 years old. Almost exactly 4o years older than me! Too bad I couldn’t have published this post on his birthday. Oh well, maybe next time. He grew up in Louisiana as a Catholic (even though his momma was Jewish). By the time he graduated high school, he was 5’7″ 268 lbs. That’s really big for someone who’s 5 foot 7 inches. I’m 5’10” 225 lbs. with a layer of muscle and I feel fat and look fat. No wonder he took the career path he did.

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Happy Halloween!

Around the time of his high school graduation, Simmons flirted with the possibility of becoming a Catholic priest. Is it just me or does that joke almost write itself? I’m not taking that bait. After college, he moved to New York, then Los Angeles. In LA he opened “Asylum”, now called “Simmons” and still in operation at 9306 Civic Center Drive, Beverly Hills, CA 90210. It was in LA that dropped 123 lbs, down from a high of 268 lbs. For all you math majors, he was down to 145 lbs. There’s no argument about it, definitely a great achievement and inspirational.

Richard Simmons wears a tartan skirt in Beverly Hills

When in Scotland

Here’s an hour-long Simmons led workout. Definitely geared more towards women, but I can see how it took off in popularity. It was something different. It was someone different. Not a big manly beefcake of a man who was going to try to bang you. Not a woman who was bitchy and had an attitude. But a feminine man who was not threatening and also dropped over a hundred pounds, so he was credible. He was also entertaining, and I’m sure the people exercising with him were having fun. At the very least, it was clear he was having fun. And at the end of the day, that’s all that counts.

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Now You See Me Now You Don’t

Not that it matters, but Richard Simmons has never publicly confirmed his sexual orientation. Who really cares what he does in his private life? I for one think he’s straight. Flamboyant yes, but maybe it was all an act, or a ruse. He was around women constantly, his workout videos are marketed to women. For the most part, all the participants in his videos are women. I think he’s not only straight but a big time pimp. It’s a free country and we’re all allowed to have our own opinions.

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When You Want To Smile But Don’t Like The Person Taking Your Picture

Over the course of his career, Simmons estimated he’s been the inspiration behind the loss of 12 million pounds. That’s a pretty impressive claim. Its believable too, considering he’s released so many workout tapes and started his own fitness studio.

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Sweatin’ To The Oldies

Unfortunately, in the past 2 years, we haven’t heard much from the man. Other than he was in the hospital in early 2016. I’m very happy he’s out and home safe. And also in early 2015, the LAPD made a welfare check on him and confirmed he, not the housekeeper, was in control of his life. Keep the man in your prayers and respect all he’s accomplished.

Thanks for reading and please check out my Go Fund Me page and consider contributing/sharing if you like what you see!

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Stop It You’re Too Cute

Two Quotes from ‘The Pale King’


I just finished up reading ‘The Pale King’, David Foster Wallace’s last (unfinished) novel. It was a fun read, I definitely recommend it. Especially if you read and liked Infinite Jest please do yourself a favor and read this!

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DFW Deep in Thought

As you can expect from DFW, there are many great paragraphs, sentences, and phrases throughout this novel. However, two quotes specifically stuck out to me as significant. They were both very ornately worded, emotionally deep, and true.

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IRS Drones

  • The first quote that hit me hard can be found on page 210:

“…my best guess as to his never dispensing wisdom like other dads is that my father understood that advice – even wise advice – actually does nothing for the advisee, changes nothing inside, and can actually cause confusion when the advisee is made to feel the wide gap between the comparative simplicity of the advice and the totally muddled complication of his own situation and path. I’m not putting this very well. If you begin to get the idea that other people can actually live by the clear, simple principles of good advice, it can make you feel even worse about your own inabilities. It can cause self-pity, which I think my father recognized as the great enemy of life and contributor to nihilism.”

What this quote means to me is that sometimes, fathers need to recognize that even though, in hindsight, a situation that their son is going through is straightforward; at the son’s age and maturity level, the situation is 100% complicated.

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In these types of situations, DFW is saying less advice is actually more advice. And no advice is actually the best advice. This is because, by making the situation seem so simple in the manner in which the father gives advice to the son, the son will actually feel worse about his ability to deal with the situation.

This, in turn, leads to self-pity. DFW says that self-pity is the enemy of life and contributor to nihilism. Self pity is the enemy of life because it makes life lose all meaning and enjoyment. Nihilism is a philosophy where the individual does not care about anything and just “coasts” along in life. Nihilists never reach their full potential, rather they just take the easiest route through every situation.

  • The second quote that enlightened me can be found on pages 405-406:

“…the universe as an infinite system of neural connections that had evolved, at its highest point, an organism which could sustain consciousness of both itself and the universe at the same time, such that the human nervous system became the universe’s way of being aware of and thus ‘accessible [to]’ itself…”

In my mind, this quote actually seems to be an “answer” to the above quote. This is because DFW is explaining what he believes “the point” to human life is. Which is that humans are the universe’s way of being aware of itself. And vice versa.

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The Universe

What this means to me is that, we as humans, have to achieve the most we possibly can in life, and that’s the universe’s way of knowing how great it really is. Additionally, by reaching one’s full potential, a person can realize just how great the universe is.

So, the conclusion I reach from these two quotes is that DFW believed that the point of life is to achieve the most things a person can. This is the opposite of the philosophy of Nihilism.

Maybe DFW struggled with these two extreme’s in his own personal life, and this is a brief glimpse into his inner psyche?

These are just some of my thoughts. Thanks for reading and have a nice day!

 

 

Cursing Johnny Manziel


Hi all. This is a small post to discuss when I parked Johnny Manziel’s Nissan GTR at Cleveland Hopkins International Airport valet.

He valeted at Hopkins on January 2nd 2016 (Saturday before the Browns’ final game) around noon and said he’d be back Sunday (the next day 1/3/16) at 5 AM.

This news story from 1/3/16 confirms that Manziel missed the Browns’ game verse the Steelers that day.

Here it is Extremely Rare Nissan GTR ***Notice the pink registration tags which indicate they were from 2015 and had to be expired when this picture was taken 1/3/16 (corroborated by this story that Manziel got pulled over the prior week for expired plates):

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For this fuckery, Johnny Manziel, I curse you. May you never play football in the NFL again. I hope you move to Canada to be with Bieber. At the very least, do Cleveland a favor and never come back.

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Oh an by the way, you look like a heroin addict:

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