Richard Simmons The Enigma


When I was a young 7-year-old child (I’m now 27 born in 1989) in early 1997, I caught my first glimpse of sweat guru Richard Simmons. I don’t remember what exactly he was doing when I first saw him, but it was probably something like this. This was an eye-opening experience for such a young boy growing up sheltered in the midwest. I simply didn’t get it.

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Hi Guys

None of the men I knew at that point in my life talked or acted like that. He was a grown man, with curly hair, who talked like a girl, skipped around in short shorts, and was leading a group of women in a cardio workout. He has quite the personality, to say the least. This was a bunch of paradoxes I couldn’t reconcile. Hell didn’t even know what “paradox” meant at age 7.

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Old Richard

Between that first “run-in” with Richard and today, August 8, 2016, I’ve seen the man on TV only a handful of times. All in all there’s definitely been less than 20 instances of me hearing about the guy in the past 20 years. At least 3 of these times have been on the Howard Stern Show, where he is a popular punchline.

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Real Men Cry

Well, randomly today, I started thinking about him. There must have been a disturbing, repressed, memory lodged deep somewhere in my brain that got triggered by something insidious in my environment today. I don’t know what it was, nor do I even have a hunch, but I bet it would give even the late Sigmund Freud the heebie jeebies. Anyways, it’s a good question, what is Richard up to? I honestly haven’t heard anything about him in well over a year.

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Come on Everybody Get Down – Eminem

So, here’s some background on Richard Simmons. He was born July 12, 1948 – making him 68 years old. Almost exactly 4o years older than me! Too bad I couldn’t have published this post on his birthday. Oh well, maybe next time. He grew up in Louisiana as a Catholic (even though his momma was Jewish). By the time he graduated high school, he was 5’7″ 268 lbs. That’s really big for someone who’s 5 foot 7 inches. I’m 5’10” 225 lbs. with a layer of muscle and I feel fat and look fat. No wonder he took the career path he did.

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Happy Halloween!

Around the time of his high school graduation, Simmons flirted with the possibility of becoming a Catholic priest. Is it just me or does that joke almost write itself? I’m not taking that bait. After college, he moved to New York, then Los Angeles. In LA he opened “Asylum”, now called “Simmons” and still in operation at 9306 Civic Center Drive, Beverly Hills, CA 90210. It was in LA that dropped 123 lbs, down from a high of 268 lbs. For all you math majors, he was down to 145 lbs. There’s no argument about it, definitely a great achievement and inspirational.

Richard Simmons wears a tartan skirt in Beverly Hills

When in Scotland

Here’s an hour-long Simmons led workout. Definitely geared more towards women, but I can see how it took off in popularity. It was something different. It was someone different. Not a big manly beefcake of a man who was going to try to bang you. Not a woman who was bitchy and had an attitude. But a feminine man who was not threatening and also dropped over a hundred pounds, so he was credible. He was also entertaining, and I’m sure the people exercising with him were having fun. At the very least, it was clear he was having fun. And at the end of the day, that’s all that counts.

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Now You See Me Now You Don’t

Not that it matters, but Richard Simmons has never publicly confirmed his sexual orientation. Who really cares what he does in his private life? I for one think he’s straight. Flamboyant yes, but maybe it was all an act, or a ruse. He was around women constantly, his workout videos are marketed to women. For the most part, all the participants in his videos are women. I think he’s not only straight but a big time pimp. It’s a free country and we’re all allowed to have our own opinions.

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When You Want To Smile But Don’t Like The Person Taking Your Picture

Over the course of his career, Simmons estimated he’s been the inspiration behind the loss of 12 million pounds. That’s a pretty impressive claim. Its believable too, considering he’s released so many workout tapes and started his own fitness studio.

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Sweatin’ To The Oldies

Unfortunately, in the past 2 years, we haven’t heard much from the man. Other than he was in the hospital in early 2016. I’m very happy he’s out and home safe. And also in early 2015, the LAPD made a welfare check on him and confirmed he, not the housekeeper, was in control of his life. Keep the man in your prayers and respect all he’s accomplished.

Thanks for reading and please check out my Go Fund Me page and consider contributing/sharing if you like what you see!

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Stop It You’re Too Cute

The Gathering of the Juggalos


The Gathering of the Juggalos (GotJ) is the music festival for fans of Insane Clown Posse (ICP). Here is a video about the culture. GotJ is the equivalent of going to heaven for a Juggalo.

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Thongs

Toothless meth heads and the morbidly obese unite. Prison tattoos and naked people everywhere. Sewer and other gross smells abound. People openly sell drugs, holding up signs of what they have for sale, or simply yelling it out. People also hold up signs for what drugs they’re looking for. When the GotJ was in Illinois, there was actually a bridge that people sold drugs from. This is allowed because the hired security doesn’t care about drugs and cops aren’t willing to come anywhere near the event.

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Drug Dealing

Tila Tequila infamously got assaulted with pee and poo while on stage.

Of course people spray Faygo everywhere and throw their full cans at the stage so they explode everywhere. Juggalos are obsessed with Faygo for all you who didn’t know.

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Faygo

It’s a common occurrence to puke on yourself or get puked on by someone and not be able to take a shower the whole week. They have a shower on the grounds but the water is freezing cold and after a few days I bet you could contract a deadly virus in the showers.

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Dildo Much?

Since the police presence is always nonexistent, there is a Lord of the Flies-type street justice going on. They have what is called the “juggalo jail” which is where people who get caught stealing and doing other buzz-killing type things have to spend a day. There is also a story of a guy stealing from a vendor and getting chased by a mob and later his car getting completely destroyed and taken apart.

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Juggalo Jail

There’s a lot of women who walk around naked, most average, some questionably members of the chordate phyla, some really hot. I would post some pics on here but don’t want to post nudes of someone with out their consent. Also, a lot of people get blowjobs.

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Sure why not

It’s like a big family where everyone looks out for each other and assholes are shamed. Although there’s always exceptions to the rules, everyone for the most part is cool.

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Just a Happy Family

I also noticed many pregnant women (or women with large guts) smoking cigs. Hey, its your body and your offspring so whatever floats your boat.

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Smoking Pregnant Juggalette

So, in conclusion, this year’s festival is July 20-23rd in Thornville, OH and I hope to see you there.

 

The Final Solution to the IRS


The Internal Revenue Service (IRS) is an evil that must be stopped. Politics aside, its clear to see that the current tax system in America is crippling the middle class, especially small business owners.

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It is for this reason the middle class hates the IRS. As a child, I clearly remember my dad (who was a small business owner himself) cursing the IRS and talking about them as if they were trying to find him, tie him down, and give him a lifetime supply of anal probes.

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It was around this time I made up my mind that I did not want to work for any type of organization that my dad would talk like this about. Many other kids and friends of mine in my blue-collar, middle class neighborhood had fathers who ran their own business just like my dad. I really don’t see too many kids dreaming on becoming IRS auditors when they grow up (although, current IRS worker’s children may be susceptible to this).

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And I can’t imagine too many of the wealthy leading their children to become IRS agents, either. So, where is the IRS finding new recruits? My solution to bring down the IRS is for this generation of millennials to refuse any job offer proposed by the IRS. Also, this generation’s kid’s must be advised to NOT take a job with the IRS. We would provide incentives for current IRS employees to not allow their children to join the Service either.

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The more workers the IRS employs, the easier it is for them to audit your return. This is because, the absolute return in dollars they receive on penalties and interest collected per employee increases. These workers are also American citizens. What we have here is middle class workers at the IRS preying on the rest of America’s middle class for their living. People, just like you and me, making a living collecting money from people just like them (how’s that for an infinite loop).

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They’re just following orders you say? So were many of the mid and low-level Nazi Germany workers and collaborators. The Nazis for the most part, were just middle class German citizens making a living preying upon other middle class Germans. This may be a little extreme a comparison, but the underlying idea is identical.

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There are many more equitable taxation scheme ideas than the current one in place, for example the Fair Tax system. But, these details are outside the scope of my opinion here.

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Take a moment to look at the situation here, and try to understand how effective a solution this is. We need to instill this idea in our children, that the IRS is evil and never work for them.

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My point is, that we all as American citizens must decline any job offer from the IRS and teach or children to do the same. This needs to be a grassroots, demographical and sociological attack on the IRS. A new world version of the “passive resistance” of Ghandi.

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Our current generation appears to be screwed with the current system, but this idea could save our grandchildren from the same oppression we have faced.

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