The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen


Erotic Asphyxiation AKA ‘breath control play’ is the intentional restriction of oxygen to the brain for the purposes of sexual arousal. People who engage in the activity are called ‘gaspers’. The practice originated in observations of public hangings in Europe where erections and ejaculations were frequently observed. In England, brothel owners experimented with the act of hanging as treatment for impotence in the 1600s – early Viagra! In the late 1700s Kotzwarra requested prostitutes to hang him, sometimes for up to 5 minutes. This eventually led to his death. In the current era, 1,000 Americans die each year from this disturbing act of masturbation.

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The pleasure in this act comes from depriving your brain of oxygen, which is known in medical circles as ‘asphyxia’. By doing this, you experience a euphoria before you lose consciousness. To maximize pleasure derived from the situation, the victim actively masturbates while strangling themselves with cords or suffocating themselves with a plastic bag.

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Cleveland Kidnapper Ariel Castro Succumbed to Autoerotic Asphyxiation

The following are the top three most famous autoerotic asphyxiators, who I am personally dubbing the ‘League of Extraordinary Gentlemen’ for their contributions to humanity:

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An Exclusive Club

3). Our second runner-up in the race for king of the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, we have Albert Dekker!

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Oh Hai Mark

Albert Dekker was an American actor and Democratic politician. He was born December 20th, 1905 in Brooklyn, New York. He went to Richmond Hill High School in Queens. Ironically, Rodney Dangerfield and Cyndi Lauper both are also alumni of Dekker’s alma mater.

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Hey Kids Smoking is Cool

Albert married fellow actress Esther Guerini in 1929. He later won a seat in the California State Assembly in 1944 as a Democrat. Rumor has it, a young Bill Clinton idolized Dekker.

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Bill Clinton’s Idol

Tragedy struck in 1957 when Dekker’s 16 year old son John shot himself in the face and died.

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Young Dekker

Tragedy struck again on May 5th, 1968 when Dekker, at the ripe old age of 62, was found by his fiancé Jeraldine Saunders naked, kneeling in his bathtub with a noose, connected to the shower curtain rod, tied tight around his neck .

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Preposterous

Someone wrote “Slave” and “cocksucker” and also drew a vagina on his stomach with lipstick. There were two IV needles sticking out of one of his arms. He was handcuffed, blindfolded, and gagged with a rubber ball and metal wire. Sounds like a slightly disturbing scene, this is a 62 year old man, a grandpa, we’re talking about.

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The Infamy!

Dekker has a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame located at the address 6640 Hollywood Blvd.

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Best Alt-Rocker of the 2000’s

2). Our runner-up in the contest to see which Gentleman is most Extraordinary is Michael Hutchence!

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Michael Hutchence Sex God

Michael Hutchence was an Australian musician famous for being the lead singer/songwriter of INXS. He was born January 22nd, 1960 in Sydney, Australia.

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Bitch Don’t Kill My Vibe

As a kid, Hutchence spent a few years in Hong Kong. He returned to Australia when he was 12. INXS was officially started in 1977, originally named “The Farris Brothers”.

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Sometime I Just Like to Think

Hutchence had much fame in the 80s as a sex god. INXS has sold over 50 million records. Their best songs are ‘New Sensation’, ‘Suicide Blonde’, ‘Need You Tonight’, ‘What You Need’, and ‘Original Sin’. He also dated Australian musician Kylie Minogue for a stretch.

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Not Sure How He Had His Particular Problem

Five years before he died, Hutchence was assaulted by a cab driver in Denmark. According to his friends, he was never the same again. He also lost his sense of taste and smell from the attack, heightening his other senses.

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For Those About To Rock

He had a daughter, named Tiger Lilly, in 1996 with his long time girlfriend Paula Yates.

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I Feel Like Leather Today

Tragedy struck on November 22nd, 1997  when Hutchence was found dead in room 524 at the Ritz Carlton Hotel in Double Bay, Sydney. He was only 37.

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I’d Smash

The scene of Hutchence’s death was quite desperate to say the least. He was found by hotel housekeeping kneeling facing the door. His belt was wrapped around his neck, hanging from the door. There were cigarette burns so deep on his hands that bone was exposed. There was also evidence he was frantically searching for cocaine.

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Deep

The official ruling on the cause of death from the New South Wales State Coroner was suicide. But his long time lady Paula Yates disputes this claim. She says he was not suicidal, a devoted father, and left no suicide note. It was simply a sex act gone awry.

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Happy Family

1). Ladies and Gents, I am pleased to announce the King of the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, David Carradine!

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Cali Kickin’ It

David Carradine (birth name John Arthur Carradine) was a famous American Actor and Martial Artist. He was born in Hollywood on December 8th, 1936. I’m assuming he was conceived on New Years Eve. His father, John Carradine, was also an actor.

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Young Grasshopper

David made his TV debut in 1963 on an episode of ‘Armstrong Circle Theater’. In 1972 he became famous for his portrayal of mixed race White and Chinese Shaolin monk Kwai Chang Caine on the show ‘Kung Fu’ .

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Caine

Caine’s nickname on ‘Kung Fu’ was ‘Grasshopper’. This nickname eventually reached legendary status. He was nominated for a Golden Globe and an Emmy for his role as Grasshopper.

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Meditate

He began to take movie roles more seriously starting in 1975 with Roger Corman’s cult classic ‘Death Race 2000’. He also played the four roles originally intended for Bruce Lee in the film ‘Circle of Iron’ (1978). He played many more roles throughout the rest of the 80s and 90s, resulting in him being awarded a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame in 1997.

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Death Race 2000

Over the years, David seemed to accumulate arrests just as easily as film roles. Specifically twice for Marijuana (1967 and 1980) and twice for Driving Under the Influence (1984 and 1989). David’s most fascinating arrest occurred in 1974.

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I’m a Good Boy

While in a Peyote fueled McConaughey/Downey Jr. style romp, he got naked and began wandering around Laurel Canyon, Los Angeles.  He eventually busted out a neighbor’s window and began bleeding profusely all over the house. Later he assaulted a woman. Police followed the perp’s (David) trail of blood back to his house and busted him. He pled no contest to the charge of malicious mischief and was sued for $1.1 million by the woman he assaulted, and settled for $20,000.

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Old School

Tragedy struck when David was 72 on June 3rd, 2009 at the Swissotel Nai Lert Park Hotel in Bangkok, Thailand. He was found in his hotel room closet naked, hanging by a rope.

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Deep Thinking

Due to the way he was found, the earliest speculations were that Carradine committed suicide. Eventually evidence was released that pointed to the death as an accident. Two of his ex-wives stated publicly he was into self bondage. One of his ex wives even specifically mentioned his ‘deviant sexual behavior’ in their divorce filing.

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Forever Young

No “League of Extraordinary Gentlemen” rankings can be complete without an honorable mentions section!

A). Our first (of two) honorable mention is Stephen Milligan.

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Caught with His Pants Down

Stephen was a British journalist and Member of Parliament. His corpse was found by his secretary on February 7th, 1994.

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Busted

He was naked except for socks and suspenders. He had an electrical cord tied around his neck and a garbage bag over his head. There was a piece of an orange hanging out of his mouth.

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Sharp Dressed Man

B). Our second honorable mention is Kevin Gilbert. 

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The Gilb

Kevin Gilbert was an American musician of minor fame. I wonder if he was related to Dan Gilbert? His main contribution to society was his musical credit on Sheryl Crow’s album ‘Tuesday Night Music Club’.

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“I know Sheryl Crow”

He was found dead in his house in Los Angeles in a black skirt with a black hood covering his head.

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Females Be Trippin’

Thanks for reading. Leave your thoughts in the comments. Check out my other site, ‘MemeGrator’, the Official Meme Aggregator on the Internet.

-Jules Didlio

Vehicular Manslaughter


Anyone who claims to be a Tim and Eric fan should know and love the Adult Swim show that started it all, “Tom Goes to the Mayor” (TGTTM). It premiered on Adult Swim in November 2004. TGTTM is mostly animated, however, the people in the show are actually photos of the cast making strange facial expressions, and the photos are then filtered in Photoshop using the photocopy filter.

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TGTTM Open Scene

Similar to Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job, pretty much every show featured a famous cameo such as Jeff Goldblum, John C. Reilly, and Paul Reubens to name a few. There were many hilarious moments in the series, like Tom going undercover at the high school, “chronic nocturnal emissions”, and becoming the vice mayor of hobotown.

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John C. Reilly Cameo

In this post, I’m going to give a rundown of my favorite episode of TGTTM, “Vehicular Manslaughter”, which was the seventh episode of season one, originally airing on April 24th 2005. This episode features cameos from Michael Ian Black and Bob Odenkirk. In my opinion, this episode is the most absurd of the series, which is why its my favorite.

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Dr. Michael Ian Black in the Mayor’s Office

The episode opens with Tom giving the eulogy at Dr. Michael Ian Black’s funeral. Ridiculous pictures of Dr. Black making bizarre faces are displayed, and his family is devastated. Tom then asks himself “How could this have happened to me?” And the episode flashes back three days prior to the events that led up to this point.

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Dr. Ian Black is a Tough Crowd to Impress

Cut scene to Tom’s idea pitch to city council at Gulliver’s Buffet (two of the three city council members are played by Craig Anton and Rob Lynch, I’m unsure of the third). Tom opens with “Hi, I’m Tom Peters, but you can call me ‘poop'”.

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Jefferton City Council AKA Jefferton Shark Tank

He’s going through his presentation on using human poop to power the city, and suddenly his “funputer” (the device he’s doing the presentation with) shuts down.

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Funputer

He says his wife needed to use his laptop to work on her business. The scene cuts to show Tom’s wife, Joy, (Michael Q Schmidt) in the middle of cyber sexing with some strange man.

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Business is Booming

The mayor then interrupts, saying “not to be a sticky Tuesday about this, but don’t you think we’ll need some independent third-party verification”. This, for the most, part kills Tom’s energy plan for the time being. Next, we see Tom in the Mayor’s office wearing a Brainstorming Cap to help him think. The mayor tells Tom “gimme a B-Storm!”. The Mayor puts on the cap and comes up with the idea that they should go on the show “That’s Amazing!” to help with Tom’s energy plan. Then, Michael Ian Black, who’s a 3rd party verification expert, and a newly promoted ‘doctor of energy’, enters the office.

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Ric a Dic a Tic Toc

Here’s a video of the interesting dance they do (one of two reasons why this is my favorite episode), notice Tom looking disgusted by their dance:

Dr. Michael Ian Black notes that Tom “looks like a Steven to me”, which apparently is the ultimate insult. The Mayor then explains that Dr. Black is a doctor of energy and a third-party verification expert who can help with the energy plan. Dr. Black says, “you are not gonna believe the company car they just gave me…a Lebaron!” Tom then says he’ll drive them around town to show them where he wants to lay the pipe. For some odd reason, Dr. Black and the Mayor drive separately in the Lebaron and Tom follows. Then we see Dr. Black and the Mayor doing an odd dance and singing a seemingly sexual song in the Lebaron to a similar tempo of Smash Mouth’s “All Star”. “Hey pal, I’m a rim ram, get your rage on, get laid…”

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To the Lebaron!

The Mayor and Dr. Black turn up the music so they can’t hear Tom’s instructions on where to turn. Tom looks down at his map, and when he looks up he sees the Lebaron has stopped and he rear ends the Mayor and Dr. Black. We see Tom has been thrown from his car, is very hurt, and his car has been completely obliterated; but the Mayor and Dr. Black are completely fine and the Lebaron has no damage.

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Lebaron!

The Mayor and Dr. Black go off in an ambulance (laughing) to the hospital to take care of Dr. Black. The Mayor tells Tom he’s “on his own”. We then see a commercial for “That’s Amazing” which is hosted by a goofy man named Bradley (Bob Odenkirk). We also get a cameo from the great DJ Douggpound as a “man in a tuba suit”.

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A Very Stressed Tompy Tears

In the hospital, the Mayor notifies Tom that Dr. Black has died and his family wants to press charges, unless Tom gives the eulogy at the funeral. So, Tom accepts, since he does not want to go to jail. While writing Dr. Black’s eulogy on his Funputer, it runs out of space, and he must choose to either delete the energy plan or the eulogy. He has no choice but to delete the energy plan, throwing away all his hard work, rather than the eulogy, in order to save his butt from jail.

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Perform the Eulogy!

Then we circle back to the scene from the beginning of the episode, with Tom giving the eulogy at Dr. Black’s funeral. Tom is clearly upset and crying. All of a sudden, Dr. Black awakes from his casket and exclaims, “Hello Steven!” Tom is traumatized, thinking its a ghost, and the Mayor and Dr. Black do the sexual dance again. Dr. Black tells the Mayor, “we sure pulled a Steven on that guy!” And it’s revealed that Tom was unknowingly on “That’s Amazing” the whole entire time! People are cruel!

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Dr. Black’s Head Shot

The episode ends with the Mayor and Dr. Black teasing each other, saying “Shut up you little stinker!”, “You old bag of kale corn!”, and “You minivan!”.

Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed my opinion on this matter.

Please check out my website, the memegrator, the official meme aggregator on the internet.

Synopsis of Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job; Season 5 Episode 8, ‘Handsome’


So much can be said about the brilliance that is Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job. I’m grateful Bob Odenkirk discovered them and gave them a shot. But I’m also sure they would have eventually gotten famous on their own, they are just too talented. Tim and Eric are geniuses of comedy, their take on the genre is revolutionary. I consider them to be artists of comedy. Their team is very talented as well, specifically their editor DJ Douggpound and their composer Davin Wood. I personally can watch any episode on repeat and it wouldn’t come close to getting old or stale. Among all this geniusness, one episode is the greatest of the series in my opinion (I’m sure many people don’t agree with me but this is just my personal opinion) and that is the season 5 Episode “Handsome” (episode 8 of season 5).

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Eric performing a medical inspection on Tim with a large needle

The episode opens with a “Morning Meditations”. This iteration of Morning Meditations features a hippie-type man with long hair, light yellow button down shirt, grey slacks, and a silver chain. For a split second the camera zooms in on his face and his eyes look like they are ready to pop out of his face as if he was wired on something, hopefully “coffee”. The man starts it off with a bizarre eclectic dance. The dance involves him moving his arms and legs in repetitive motions. The morning meditator then gets on all fours like an animal and claws his hands like he’s a lion. The noise he makes while he’s in this position sounds like that which a seal or porpoise of some type would make. We probably have Douggpound to thank for that noise. The man then removes his button down shirt, probably to show his beastly side, and the noise he makes turns into the roar of a lion. He then stands on all fours and roars again. To conclude the scene the camera zooms in on his face while he’s making a mean face with his pearly whites exposed.

After the Morning Meditation, the opening credits play. The opening for this episode is psychedelic-themed. There’s cannabis leaves popping in and the colors are like the colors you would see on a tye dyed shirt. The word “trippy” even flashes on the screen for a split second, subliminal message-esque.  

The opening scene after the credits consists of Tim and Eric standing in their office (obviously green screened or some other effect used because the office looks really odd). Their cubicles are across from each other and they are standing in the aisle between their cubes. Eric’s cube contains a pile of letters from fans, apparently all containing the message that he is the handsomest man. There doesn’t seem to be any fan mail in Tim’s cube. One of Eric’s letters is from a fan named “kelly” with a plea to come over and look at her “bazans”. I figure that means “boobs” since there is a crude drawing of boobs in the letter (2 circles with dots in the middle) and Eric proceeds to lick the bazans drawing. Its such an awesome word for boobs that it has entered my own personal lexicon and I now use “bazans” instead of “boobs” in everyday conversation.  Tim and Eric then have a friendly but slightly serious argument about who is the most handsome. Then Tim lets the viewer know the reason for there not being any fan mail in his cube; he scans everything in and digitizes it to keep a clean record of his account. After some more banter about who is most handsome, they agree to get a 3 person panel and have a contest to see who is the most handsome.

After this confrontation a scene begins, featuring a catchy Davin Wood tune, with various middle aged men doing strange dances in their front yard singing about their daily routines on what they would consider the perfect day. Specifically a “perfect dad day”. Obviously, being the Tim and Eric show, the daily routines are abnormal to say the least. The scene also features some Douggpound edits, which are always a riot. My favorite part here is the guy who “checks the levels in his toilet bowls”. I mean who doesn’t do that….lmao.

Next it cuts to the opening of the competition of who’s the most handsome man. Richard Dunn (god rest his soul) is the leader of the 3 member panel along with 2 other women. Who better to judge who is the most handsome other than Richard Dunn?! The competition begins with a card from Eric’s parents showing the parents in bed having what appears to be doggystyle sex and says “To Eric our #1 Handsome Boy!”. Eric then plays a video showing why he’s the most handsome. The video begins with Eric in a magician type outfit with a top hat and leotard. The only words Eric repeats in the video is “oh yeah” in various tones of voice. There are also a couple women with large bazans dancing along with him. Then it ends with the words “undeniably handsome” written on the screen. Eric received creative consulting help with his video from Bilb Ono:

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Bilb Ono is my favorite Douggpound face

After that scene we are treated to a commercial for a very interesting and useful Cinco product, “The Cinco FaceTime party snoozer”. I need to get me one of these! All too often I find myself having mind numbingly boring conversations in social settings that bore me to death. This product allows you to sleep thru parties without anyone noticing. The party snoozer is a clear mask with a set of eyes that are wide open which allows you to close your eyes behind the mask without anyone noticing. When others start to talk to you it says phrases to show you are paying attention. A few phrases it says are “sure why not”, “I understand”, and “okay”. Why can’t there be a real Cinco company to make these useful products in real life!? The product even includes a body brace that allows the user to sleep while standing!

Now the episode goes back to the handsomest man competition and Tim plays his video showing why he’s the most handsome. Tim’s video is great. A Fabio type man makes a few appearances in the video as well. It shows him in various sexuality suggestive positions with either very little cloths or nude. For example:

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Tim is the most handsome man

Tim also does a small bit of commentary saying things such as he likes his eyes and legs. He also reveals that when he showers he often catches himself looking at his body in the mirror and it turns him on. The best part of Tim’s video is him and another man having a conversation at a water cooler and Tim’s pants and underwear are down around his knees allowing his dong and butt to be exposed. He then gets on his knees and drinks straight from the spout of the water cooler. He also says the blood from his body is hot, wet, and red.

Now that Tim and Eric have both played their respective videos, it’s now time for Richard Dunn and his team of judges to decide who the most handsome man is. The judge Boh Boh votes for Eric and the judge Bohdar votes for Tim. Now Richard Dunn has to cast the tie breaking vote. To build the suspense the episode cuts to another scene showing various dads singing and dancing describing the perfect dad day.

Now it goes to the final round of the handsome man competition where Richard Dunn will decide who is most handsome. Richard Dunn says in order to make up his mind he needs to French kiss both Tim and Eric and then he will be able to come to a decision. Lucky them I wish I had a chance to French kiss Richard Dunn!

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Who could resist?

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Don't be timid, Tim

Then the episode ends without us knowing who was the most handsome. Typical Tim and Eric fashion!

Thanks for reading and leave me some comments!

-Jules